Bullying happens to adults too...

Bullying is when an aggressor uses power to intimidate, surpress, control, manipulate or harm someone for the benefit of the aggressor. Bullying can be done verbally, physically, or socially in person, through the internet/technology or through a proxy that delivers the bullies intent. 

 To differentiate bullying from a single act of harassment,  bullying is often described as chronic, meaning that it happens more than one over a period of time.  Four conditions must exist for bullying to occur, there must be an aggressor, a target, an environment of opportunity where the bully feels safe to harass, and bystanders must tacitly "allow" the bullying to occur.  

Our greatest leverage against this blight is education, teach people to not be bullies, teach victims how to respond and the greatest of the three, teach bystanders what to do.  As all self-defense awareness and avoidance are the keys to successful self-protection strategy. Workplace policies must be written, distributed and enforced the same way they are in schools. We are all on patrol....

Martial Arts Discipline

The practice of Martial Arts as a Way of Life

                The discipline of Martial arts have persisted for over a thousand years.   Through the discipline of regular practice, week after week, year after year our training is built on a culture and a tradition that has embedded a process of self-discovery. Martial Arts practice is used to produce a more fit and healthy body;  increase muscle tone, fat reduction, improve endurance,  increase flexibility, coordination, and agility.  The discipline of years of practice is an investment in your future.  It's not an easy path, but it's one worth taking. The discipline of self-defense; whether by the use of realistic fighting tools, learning to handle verbal assault, or coping with the adrenal stress response.  For most however, it becomes a training tool that seems to bring out the best in us by providing us with a multitude of benefits that can only be fully attained in such a discipline. 

The warrior/scholar philosophy challenges us to be more disciplined with our practice, mentally and physically while facing  our fears, stressors, and anger.  We not only learn how to lower stress but to keep a positive attitude in our daily lives.  In addition we learn to be self-disciplined and to concentrate on tasks that are worthy of great efforts.  Often times it is not the physical techniques we practice that provide us with the greatest personal growth, but the focus that we put into the practice. It boils down to the simple act of showing up to class and putting forth the effort on a day, or even during a season that we don't feel like it week after week, year after year. 

How to meditate during a crisis: Mastering The 10 breath cool down

When my son was 3,  I began teaching him the "10 breath cool down."  It's a technique for introducing self-awareness, emotional awareness and mindfulness through the practice of breathing and stillness.   Durring a lull in our busy play or interaction we would practice sitting together and breathing, taking 10 deep breaths and not moving. 
Simply counting to 10 as we breathed in through our nose and out through our mouths, slowly, quietly, and rhythmically. We would say to ourselves, "I'm o.k. I'm calming down." I would explain that we can use these 10 breaths when we started feeling frustrated, angry, sad, scarred or if we fell and got hurt.  

We spoke of learning to feel anger coming on like an approaching storm.  What's it like before it rains? He would say it gets windy, there's lightening or thunder in the distance, dark clouds appear.  What's it like when you start to feel angry? I  feel hot, my voice gets louder, I might clinch my teeth or fists or want to stomp and shout.  We would pretend that the kid Hulk is coming.  The great green incredible Mr. Hyde of anger that lives within us and emerges during times of stress and pain.  Can we feel the change beginning? Can we breathe it away? Inhale calm, exhale peace, anger is not the way, panic is not the way. 

 We would pretend to be a mini mountain, sitting high above the storm clouds.  We would sit and breath until the storm had passed and we knew that the kid Hulk would not be making an appearance.  I remember a day when he was 5 or 6 and he dropped some legos and he just stood there, looked at them and took a long slow deliberate breath.  I was amazed. He was beginning to understand.   Another time he had a particularly bad bike wreck and skinned his face up to the edge of his helmet, his hands and knees. There was pain, and blood and fear and for a moment he began to panic.  I told him it's o.k. to cry but lets breathe through the pain, breathe and know that it's going to be o.k. He calmed himself down and I calmed with him.  He's learning to take breaks when his lego projects fall apart or aren't coming together as planned and now if he hears me grumble or bark at my computer he reminds me to breath, to take a break, to do my 10 breath cool down.  The last time that happened I was so angry that I lost all the data on a graphic design project I'd spent all day developing. He reminded me to to the 10 breath cool down and at first I had to bite my lip because I wanted to say not now, I'm really mad, grown up mad, I was justified and then I looked at him smiling calmly.  "You are right. Come over here." I closed the lap top and he climbed into my lap and we sat there and breathed together until my anger shifted to frustration, and my frustration diminished to annoyance, and then my annoyance transformed to disappointment and the disappointment became acceptance and the acceptance became calmness. He gave me a hug and I thanked him.  The student had become the master.  By teaching my son how to calm down and not act like a wild caveman a lesson was returned to me, one that may have added years to my life.  

Here are some resources for teaching children and yourself mindfulness...

Buddhist Geeks podcast
yogajournal.com
http://www.mindfuleducation.org

From anger to awareness in ten simple breaths.

Meditation and mindfulness are tactics that ancient warriors used to help them prepare for battle.  All too often our children's playgrounds become battle grounds, places of aggression, stress and conflict.  In today's world there is no better time than now to introduce techniques of emotional awareness, calm, tactical breathing and relaxation.  These ancient practices are not complex but their benefits are many.  They can help children develop focus, listening skills, and the ability to self-actualize.  When we ask children to take a moment, pause and work on awareness they can turn boredom into an opportunity to tune in to the present moment and become fascinated by it.  When kids learn to calm themselves they have a tool for life.  Mindfulness helps children to understand that there are no borring "nows"  and that taking time to simply breathe helps you to see how the rest of the world continues to move and change.  Stillness amidst the ever unfolding river of time leads to the awareness of one's surroundings.  Awareness and avoidance of anger and aggression within translates to awareness and avoidance of conflict without.  Self-defense is a practice of prevention.  As teachers and educators we can learn to use these tools to prevent the destructive tendencies of bullies before they manifest.  We can teach our student to move from anger to awareness in ten simple breaths. 

"ANDY GONZALEZ (Holistic Life Foundation): I’ll pull two kids apart from fighting and I’ll tell them, put your hand on your heart. And they can feel it beating out of their chest, you know, and I say, start taking some deep breaths. You know how to do it. Sometimes it may not work immediately, you know, but they do know the cues as long as keep telling them, take your breath, don’t forget to take your breath." From PBS.org article Mindfulness goes mainstream.

Elizabeth Smart delivers a message of hope for victims of abuse.

Elizabeth Smart speaks out against child abuse for Boys and Girls Town of Springfield

 Elizabeth Smart addressed residents of Springfield in an effort to bring attention to April as child abuse and neglect prevention month.  This special free community event was organized by Boys and Girls Town of Missouri ,a Great Circle agency, as part of the “Be a lifesaver-Prevent child abuse” campaign.  .

Elizabeth told the widely publicized story of her 2002 abduction, abuse, survival and eventual return to her family 9 months later in order to raise awareness in the Ozarks community.  She explained her desire to use her tragic experience as not only a cautionary tale but as a message of healing and hope.   The audience of approximately 1,900 comprised of state senators and representatives, non for profit child advocacy groups, local business leaders, concerned citizens and local media.  They gathered to  learn more about the problems of child abuse in our community,  the state and the nation and how to develop solutions. 

Prior to the keynote speech, Missouri House representative Shane Scholler spoke of the alarming effects that radiate out from cases of abuse to our families, community and throughout the nation. He explained that of 6,000 reported cases of child abuse in Missouri, 1,800 occurred in our Southwest region.  Schoeller stated that 5 children die every day in the U.S. and that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are molested by age 18.  Of those molested boys, 30% are more likely to commit violent crimes and a third will go on to abuse their own children.  Representative Schoeller urged the audience to take action and end the cycle of generations of abuse. 

Knowing children  right here in the Ozarks are being victimized by the very people responsible with their safety can be devastating but you do have the power to help.  Government, private business, and organizations like Boys and Girls Town, CASA,  the News Leader,  Ken Coleman's Memorial 5K to prevent child abuse,  the Burrell center and individuals are all taking action.  Missouri state senator Bob Dixon described his efforts in leading a child abuse prevention task force and in bringing about a resolution in the Missouri senate that recognizes April as child abuse and neglect prevention month.  Jennifer Adams of the St. Louis office of The Great Circle Agency explained that they help over 11,500 children in Missouri, 60% of those being victims of abuse.  Locally, in the Springfield Children’s home over 100 children a day have access to 24/7 care including medical attention and emotional support.

After sharing the harrowing details of her 9 month ordeal, Elizabeth Smart challenged Springfield to make a choice, “We all face adversity in our lives and those who have experienced abuse must choose not to let the pain and control continue.”   She used her story to teach that whether you are a victim of violence or facing life’s adversity you have the power to take a stand and solve the problems that confront you.    

What can you do to help prevent child abuse and neglect?

·         Become more informed and aware of the problem

·         Be vigilant and unafraid to report abusive behavior in your community.

·         Volunteer for organizations like Casa and Boys and Girls Town

·         Support local events like the Ken Coleman Memorial 5K, April 21st

·         Donate money to organizations that are directly involved in helping children of abuse

·         Set an example for your children and family members by being a role model of respect and compassion

What are the affects of a nation with 3.4 million cases of abused children?

 According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention  the cycle of abuse can be linked to:

·         1 year of confirmed cases of child maltreatment cost the nation over $124 billion

·         Increased delinquency

·         Substance Abuse

·         Intimate Partner Abuse

·         Teen Pregnancy

·         Depression

·         Suicide

Bullying in the Ozarks; Dynamic Edge Martial Arts approach to Bullying

What We WILL NOT DO:

We will not take the approach that violence, as some "experts" suggest, are acceptable paths to bully prevention. 

"Beating up the bully" is not an approach we endorse or suggest.

While defending yourself from harm may be something that needs to be done, beating up ---as in punching or kicking another human being as a way to stop the problem of bullying --is not the path we suggest. 

Violence does not heal violence --nor does it stop it. 

We will learn to elevate our understanding of the problem and work together to solve it. We will teach compassion, cooperation and communication as our primary tools. 

We must learn to interrupt the patter of violent escalation. 

A bully insults, the victim yells back, the bully is entertained, angered, energized, and escalates to using physical abuse or more extreme forms of social bullying. The victim retaliates. The bully retaliates harder with more friends egging him/her on.  The violence cycle spirals upward and out of control until the victim may see the only solution to ending this tormented experience is to kill the bully or kill themselves, thinking "I will never be bullied again." 

Physical confrontation is the last resort of bully prevention --and the least constructive. If we as Martial Artists (and this goes for parents, educators, and the entertainment industry) promote or propose violence as a solution to bullying, we will be catering to the lowest form of thinking man is capable of.  Our aim is to help foster compassion, understanding and a progress that moves our thinking and our humanness forward in a direction away from violence, abuse, and bullying.   

Sticks and Stones: Bullicide

What is Bullicide? Bullicide is a term that refers to suicide as a result of bullying.  When victims feel hopeless, like there is no where to turn, when they feel powerless to prevent the soul crushing torment and they feel like it will never end they sometimes turn to extreme choices of behavior. Violence and violence against self. For the victim, the only choice they see is to end themselves, or end the bully.

Bullying And Teen Suicide Have Now Become Synonymous By Mandy-Jane Clarke  

More importantly, if a student has low self-esteem to begin with, and is constantly barraged by bullies who reinforce his low self-worth, he then becomes a prime candidate for bullying suicide.  Consider this statistic: 86% of kids who were picked on or bullied turned to violence in the schools.  However, it should be noted that some of the violence is turned inward, thus creating bullying suicide.

Furthermore, recent statistics assert that over 280,000 kids are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.  If a teen in middle school is among the victims of these insidious attacks, and there is no recourse either through official channels or through counseling, it seems reasonable to assume that this child will go through all of the phases of teen depression – and ultimately commit the final act which will end the violence perpetrated on him or her.

Sticks and Stones: Short video on "Bullicide"

This Video is a short and powerful reminder of the very real, human cost bullying causes.