When my son was 3, I began teaching him the "10 breath cool down." It's a technique for introducing self-awareness, emotional awareness and mindfulness through the practice of breathing and stillness. Durring a lull in our busy play or interaction we would practice sitting together and breathing, taking 10 deep breaths and not moving.
Simply counting to 10 as we breathed in through our nose and out through our mouths, slowly, quietly, and rhythmically. We would say to ourselves, "I'm o.k. I'm calming down." I would explain that we can use these 10 breaths when we started feeling frustrated, angry, sad, scarred or if we fell and got hurt.
We spoke of learning to feel anger coming on like an approaching storm. What's it like before it rains? He would say it gets windy, there's lightening or thunder in the distance, dark clouds appear. What's it like when you start to feel angry? I feel hot, my voice gets louder, I might clinch my teeth or fists or want to stomp and shout. We would pretend that the kid Hulk is coming. The great green incredible Mr. Hyde of anger that lives within us and emerges during times of stress and pain. Can we feel the change beginning? Can we breathe it away? Inhale calm, exhale peace, anger is not the way, panic is not the way.
We would pretend to be a mini mountain, sitting high above the storm clouds. We would sit and breath until the storm had passed and we knew that the kid Hulk would not be making an appearance. I remember a day when he was 5 or 6 and he dropped some legos and he just stood there, looked at them and took a long slow deliberate breath. I was amazed. He was beginning to understand. Another time he had a particularly bad bike wreck and skinned his face up to the edge of his helmet, his hands and knees. There was pain, and blood and fear and for a moment he began to panic. I told him it's o.k. to cry but lets breathe through the pain, breathe and know that it's going to be o.k. He calmed himself down and I calmed with him. He's learning to take breaks when his lego projects fall apart or aren't coming together as planned and now if he hears me grumble or bark at my computer he reminds me to breath, to take a break, to do my 10 breath cool down. The last time that happened I was so angry that I lost all the data on a graphic design project I'd spent all day developing. He reminded me to to the 10 breath cool down and at first I had to bite my lip because I wanted to say not now, I'm really mad, grown up mad, I was justified and then I looked at him smiling calmly. "You are right. Come over here." I closed the lap top and he climbed into my lap and we sat there and breathed together until my anger shifted to frustration, and my frustration diminished to annoyance, and then my annoyance transformed to disappointment and the disappointment became acceptance and the acceptance became calmness. He gave me a hug and I thanked him. The student had become the master. By teaching my son how to calm down and not act like a wild caveman a lesson was returned to me, one that may have added years to my life.
Here are some resources for teaching children and yourself mindfulness...
Buddhist Geeks podcast
yogajournal.com
http://www.mindfuleducation.org
Meditation and mindfulness are tactics that ancient warriors used to help them prepare for battle. All too often our children's playgrounds become battle grounds, places of aggression, stress and conflict. In today's world there is no better time than now to introduce techniques of emotional awareness, calm, tactical breathing and relaxation. These ancient practices are not complex but their benefits are many. They can help children develop focus, listening skills, and the ability to self-actualize. When we ask children to take a moment, pause and work on awareness they can turn boredom into an opportunity to tune in to the present moment and become fascinated by it. When kids learn to calm themselves they have a tool for life. Mindfulness helps children to understand that there are no borring "nows" and that taking time to simply breathe helps you to see how the rest of the world continues to move and change. Stillness amidst the ever unfolding river of time leads to the awareness of one's surroundings. Awareness and avoidance of anger and aggression within translates to awareness and avoidance of conflict without. Self-defense is a practice of prevention. As teachers and educators we can learn to use these tools to prevent the destructive tendencies of bullies before they manifest. We can teach our student to move from anger to awareness in ten simple breaths.
"ANDY GONZALEZ (Holistic Life Foundation): I’ll pull two kids apart from fighting and I’ll tell them, put your hand on your heart. And they can feel it beating out of their chest, you know, and I say, start taking some deep breaths. You know how to do it. Sometimes it may not work immediately, you know, but they do know the cues as long as keep telling them, take your breath, don’t forget to take your breath." From PBS.org article Mindfulness goes mainstream.
